I feel so….strange right now. My days are up and down, up and down. One minute I am crying my heart out because I feel so hurt by recent transactions within my life. And the next I am realizing the potential I have, and how everything will be ok, everything will work out. But the process that takes place, the transition from fear and sorrow to peace and understanding, is intense and leaves me drained. I am a very happy person, and have had many many blessings given me. Joy comes hidden in the form of two butterflies dancing together, and including myself in their dance; the form of Tanner and his intense energy focused on mine, and we connect; the form of bright orange and yellow calendula flower petals; it comes with the wind and the dancing of the trees….it is everywhere. I always acknowledge joy when it passes by. However, there are still days when I weep with all the sorrow of the world, eyes blurred to the joys which they seek. It is at these times that I search out the healing free to all that the earth offers freely. I go to any place which calls me- the calendula beds, the amaranth, the sugar snaps, it could be anywhere. And I bury all my sorrows through my tears seeping into the soil. And this transaction re-energizes me, and I feel ready to go on once more. And I know within that all will work out as it needs to. How can it not? We have not chosen to live this life to be guarded and safe. We are here to learn lessons. To experience all the emotions and feelings and opportunities that we can while here. To learn how to love unconditionally. To be accepting of another’s life path. To be rained on and to flourish from that rain. Do not deaden yourself to what this life offers! We all build walls in our souls to protect us from the hurts of our actions. But I am trying to break those walls down. It may be a painful experience, but I want everything this life has to offer. I pray for guidance in my decisions, but in the end what I decide to do is my choice, and mine alone. I am strong, and powerful, and able to enjoy this life fully.
All I need now is a companion….I am seeking a soul with similar thoughts as mine, with the same wildness coursing through his veins. Someone unafraid, to lift me up higher as I lift him. Is there such a one out there? Within a touching distance? I call…..and await an answer.