The wind of the night time, that sweet breath of stillness which holds such promise, leaves me slowly as I toss and turn about inside my mind, body echoing its movement. Those petals of the renewing flower of sleep drop from my mind as the last leaves of fall. While I never fear the nighttime and what it may bring, I feel a certain amount of dread. Wondering what my night dreams might bring. Restless are my dreams, they always have been. Only twice have I awoke during the night, panting and crying at what visions my mind held, although it is not unusual for me to toss and turn, and wake with the bitter taste of fright in my mouth. Reality creeps in slowly, and I am left to search for the cryptic messages those dreams have left.
The sweet and palpable arms of darkness may hold me, but it is my mind which must let go of many thoughts in order to fall into their comfort. Off subject, I find that my instincts, out of the fight or flight category, are definitely flight. When I am uncertain about a situation (I dislike suspense and anticipation), I feel that flight instinct creep through my body, like a mouse around a mousetrap, knowing full well that I will have to deal with the situation at some point. It’s not that I’m afraid to face a situation, I just like to know NOW what’s going on. It’s enough to rudely shift my mind from daydreams and pleasant thoughts drifting into true sleep to an abruptly cold reality. Moments pass by, one to the next, well am I aware of that. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with them until they do pass.