On a whim, I’ve decided to pay a woman I’ve never met to mentor me in my journey to self-love, and to help me step into my femininity. This is a big step in the recently begun journey to uncovering the joys of my womanhood, and in general being ok with who I am. This journey started a year or so ago when I was at the depths of unhappiness. A culmination of events and situations, my joy in life was severely afflicted and in sore need of attention and deliverance from unappreciation. Slowly, I’ve been increasing my stores of self-appreciation and admiration.
Little things have been helping me on my journey- observing the way other women carry themselves, talking with a therapist, getting in touch with what gives me joy, learning that it’s ok to do something because I want to and to not do something if I don’t want to, and lately, this journey has been vamped up big time. I’ve been barraged with books and websites all aimed at digging into your femininity and desires, and learning to be in tune with who you are and who you want to be. I’ve been introduced to powerful women who are effective teachers and mentors (technologically speaking, as I’ve ‘met’ these women on the internet).
These books, and supporting websites, have all gently prodded me to take a good look at the woman I am and where I wish to go in this life. The resulting answers are that I want to open up to my sensual, beautiful, juicy, joyful femininity. On the physical side, I’ve dusted off my handful of dresses and skirts and brought out my heels. I’ve taken the strawberry-red lipstick out of the car (where it’s been for a shameful amount of time) and put in on my lips. I’ve introduced my hair to conditioner and my styling fingers and have cut accentuating bangs (the usual morning repertoire? Take my hair out of it’s nighttime braid and tie it back) and am in general making more of an effort to remind myself and others that yes, I am a woman who likes to look good. On the inside- the emotional and unseen side- I’ve added stretching/yoga and meditation to my morning, making a point to wake up early and heave my body out of bed (literally- I groan, toss about for a bit, and lug my body off the edge of the bed. Sometimes I crawl right off the side of the bed and lay, head and arms on the floor and feet still stuck under warm blankets until I inch my way all the way off) to awaken my body and loosen stiff muscles ( I must work out in my dreams, I always wake up feeling as though I’d run a marathon). All silliness aside, it has helped me to feel more energized in the morning and puts me in a positive mood. Really. I’ve also started to pay more attention to what my body is craving and how I can supply it with what it’s asking for. Lately, all it’s wanted is a boost in confidence. So, I walk with my head up and pretend I have a bubble of high self-esteem surrounding my body. I step with purpose and have a smile at the corners of my lips. In short, I walk like a queen. I imagine to myself as I walk past people that they are thinking to themselves, now THERE’S a woman who feels at home with herself!
At heart, I am a compassionate, caring woman. I hope someday to have a family for which I cook and clean (yes, those stereotypical ‘housewife’ skills), and be a role model, both in my family and community. I am full of sensuality and desire, and have a passion for living. I have joy in my heart and a smile in my eyes. All of these I wish to develop to their fullest, I just need a little help sometimes.