Lay it down in prayer

I haven’t prayed in quite awhile.  Why should I?  Everything I send out in prayer most likely ends up turning around and dive-bombing the Godly entity that I’m sure resides in my cracked heart.  There she reposes, making a home among the bruises and heartache.  Campfire lit, she hunkers down, finding refuge from the storms.  Rather than storms of rain and hail and high winds, these storms consist of much more dangerous items- anger and sorrow that can pierce through the toughest walls.  But here, the beauty is also much more fulfilling.  Azure skies, brilliant sunrises, shimmering pools of nourishing water.

So I lay my prayer down in writing.  I lay down all the uncertainty of my existence, all the times I’ve asked over and over, “WHY AM I HERE???”.  I offer forth the times I’ve shut my body down, the times I’ve opened my heart and let it bleed, the times I’ve had no other reaction other than to cry in shame.  I lay down the lack of compassion I’ve felt as well as the times I’ve become paralyzed by too much feeling.  Anger, rage, feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy…

I lift up my open heart and ask for love to slide in and fill the cracks with grace as thick as honey. I seek the whispers of the flowers and the music of the stars.  I look for the God outside of myself, seeking Holy footprints across the planet.  Are they infinitely large?  Are they imperceptibly tiny? I see the sacred signature of Holiness in the faintest outline of a full moon, becoming more apparent as the day fades and dusk creeps in.  The softness of my horse’s nose which speaks of tenderness.  The iridescent feathers on the back of my chicken which hold Divine secrets, as do the bell-like sounds of my talkative barn cat as she follows me around during chore time.  Beauty replaces fear, beauty that is made all the more miraculous not despite, but because of, the sorrow it replaced.  The most ordinary things can display the most loving grace.

About aletalane

I am a learner.
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