The ache is real, in a way that life never really is.
I hardly understand why it all happens the way it does. I am a servant to the way it all comes together, not really knowing what happens, or why or how.
The certainty of life eludes me, and I notice, with a wry smile, how the laws of attraction wriggle their way into my life, settling in with a soft sigh.
Every time I think it will be different, that I can do it right this time, I see the forefinger of the Universe waggle in front of my face, bringing me yet another lesson. I find my way into the heart of a book whose author proclaims something about energy and how our creative minds create things without us even really knowing it. Or something similar with which I am unable to connect at that single painful moment when I am hurting the most.
Inevitably, I find myself closing the book with a sigh, and my heart contracts painfully as I glance at the solidity of the world around me. Hard tree trunks give way to soft soil, invisible winds tell me that nothing I read carries any weight in the deep, indigo inner parts of my body.
I must uncover the truths hidden in these life lessons in my own sweet time.
Truth keeps finding ways of making itself known, and must often sneak its way through the minds and hearts of human beings. What boldness, what clever manipulations weave themselves through eyes and ears and hearts. Those soft hearts, oft forgotten by those who carry them. Soft bodies, dented by the weight of lifelines unfolding, and bent under the weight of lives unlived and unrealized.
So tell me, just what am I supposed to do with it all? I have no place to tuck all the truths of the world into. I can’t just open my heart as if it were an accordion, and expand it with the loving, yet hard-edged, truths. No, I suppose I myself must fold myself into the spaces of them. I must try to fit myself between the corners of redemption and release, or find the small opening where ecstasy meets uncertainty. Here, a safe space, is where I shall stay until the time when it all falls away. For sometimes, the safest place is where you least expect it.