My heart contains me

This world contains me, but it does not protect me.  But I did not come here expecting to be protected, I came to be exposed.  I came for the feel of a complete immersion, to feel the veils of emotion flow down over my body.  Lift one veil, and another layer exists underneath it.

How many times have I been in this container?  How many times has this beating heart of mine lifted me from one life to the next?  How many times has my heart carried out the tempo of a new song, a new life?  I cannot see beyond this life, neither behind nor ahead. But I can feel the safety that surrounds me.  And it feels like silk.

And still I am carried on across these vast lifetimes, learning one lesson after another.

After such lifetimes as have been experienced on this planet, I cannot have been left unchanged. My blood has become infused with the scent of whiskey, and my lips, kissed by the sun, weave their full-hearted words across the landscape, leaving fading imprints like the trail of a sparkler waving through the night air.  I leave traces of myself everywhere- I’ve bled across the heart of this world, left trails of tears to find their way into the center of vast oceans (where they will exist for the lifetime of this celestial planet, earthy salt forever mingling with the salt of my body), and I have pounded my feet into the body of the earth in dancing rhythm, with wild ululations tracing the path of the wind. And where I have left traces of myself, so too did this world leave its own mark on me; leaves are imprinted in my skin, and the scent of flowers is woven through each strand of hair.

And through it all, I’ve lived every single moment.  I have loved and lost, been the one who is betrayed as well as the betrayer, and I have created oceans of tears from sorrow as well as elation.  Fingers have woven through tall prairie grasses, feet have felt the chill of icy spring streams (water flowing thick and fast and rushing down from the wild mountaintop).  My tongue holds the memory of falling snow in the winter and dew drops cover my feet as night melts into summery morning, and my vision is veiled by starlight and memories that are so old that I don’t even trust the visions they send dancing through my mind are tucked away in the bones of me, and when I look at you, all I see is moonlight, a reflection of your origin.

My life has been both graveyard and birthing chamber, as old fears die and give rise to new hopes.  And through it all, again and always I come back to the heart of me, the center of my existence.  I return to this heart that has carried me well through it all.  Within my heart exists my soul, and so I feel Her with every dancing beat.  And we carry on across the waters of life, ever creating, ever living, ever loving.

About aletalane

I am a learner.
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