I have so many blogs that I start inside my head. But when it comes time to type them out, the words don’t seem right anymore.
I’m having fun just being. I’ve finally found a place where joy is a mainstay, not just an afterthought. Not to say I hadn’t found joy before. I was just in a rougher state of mind. It may be that I am just learning to accept things as they come. I still have moments where I am overcome with sorrow and feelings of incompetence, but they are getting fewer and fewer. I still have nights where sleep comes near, only to shy away at the last moment, dancing along the shoreline of my mind. But those nights are becoming more and more due to external events rather than internal thoughts. I know who I am. I am joyful and appreciative of life. I am a sensitive women who needs care and nuture. I can provide this to myself, but it’s important to have a good companion to supply it as well.
As I explore a still-new relationship, I can tentatively come out from behind walls I have built. Slowly, so slowly. Inviting a person to experience all you are can be a scary thing, as it involves trust. I still have fear inside me, it’s voice small but still present, but I know I am strong.